The Sabotage: It’s got to be Perfect
Let me preface this one with the sheer fact that no one is perfect. All of us have imperfections, even that woman who you think “has it all”- the body, the family and the money. Yes, even her. In fact, even if she was perfect to you, she wouldn’t be perfect to me or thousands of other people. Perfection is subjective. That is why you should never try to be perfect for anyone or anything. If you spend your life trying to be perfect for someone else, you may find you are never perfect, for you.
Thinking that you have to be perfect at anything in life is not only a barrier to your goals and Life fulfillment, but you have directly set yourself up for failure. Don’t spend your life trying to be something that doesn’t exist. By striving for perfection, your mind and body will go one of two ways:
1. You will find that you either back down altogether
2. You will attempt your goals with perfection in mind, and then fail (because perfection does not exist). This pattern of attempting and failing lowers our self-esteem and sometimes our desire to set goals at all. One of my favorite quotes was said by Thomas Edison, “I failed my way to success.”
The Fix- Accept the fact that perfection does not exist and march on. Now that, that weight is off your shoulders, you can work toward being more realistic in goal setting and do what is best for you and your body, not what you “think” is perfect. From this point on, your goal is to work toward self-actualization. Self-actualization means to develop your full potential. You know you are not perfect, but you are always in the mind-set of growing and developing yourself. It is through striving for self-actualization that you will find Life, Mind and Body fulfillment.
The Sabotage: Comparing
I bet if you are someone who strives for perfection, you also are a comparer. Ideas of perfection are provided to us on front covers of magazines, TV and even people who pass us by on the street. What do all of these “perfect” people have in common? We know nothing about them.
It is not fair for you to compare yourself to someone you know nothing about. You are comparing yourself to someone with totally different life circumstances. Besides, not many of us can be air brushed before worked! The reality is, your personal and professional circumstances are different from everyone else’s, and thus it would be faulty to compare what you do and how you do it, on someone else’s scale of life.
The Fix: Focus on yourself. Based upon your life, your family your career, and your desires what would work for you? Take time to focus on self-reflection and self-growth, rather than wasting your time and energy comparing yourself to what other people do. When at the gym for example, do not find yourself fixated on looking at everyone else who is running faster, lifting more, and who has a smaller waste and better bum. If you actually take a moment to reflect on your progress, you will build your confidence and better motivate yourself.
The Sabotage: Guilt
Approximately 96% of all women experience guilt at least one time per day. And, a lot of guilt comes from doing things for ourselves and internalizing problems. After a long day of work, we may feel guilty for hitting up the gym, instead of playing with the kids. Then, if we play with the kids, we feel guilt for not hitting up the gym. We are damned if we do, and damned if we don’t. Guilt is one of the sabotages that women struggle to kick to the curb. When things go wrong around us, even if they have nothing to do with us, women tend to internalize the problem: “There was something I could have done to prevent this,” “This was something I should have thought of,” “I should do this…” “I must do that….” These types of statements induce guilt, because you are putting the weight of a problem, all onto your shoulders- and you assume fault to yourself. And, if you “should” or “must” do things, and then you don’t, you have induced guilt by failure to do things.
The Fix: For the next few days, I challenge you to be very conscious of the way that you talk to yourself. How often do you catch yourself saying “should” or “must” to yourself. How often do you internalize problems that have minimal to do with you? Once you are aware of the way you talk to yourself, you can begin to work toward formulating a new habit of positive self-talk: “I would like to do this” or “I had little to do with this problem, but I will help work toward a solution with others.”
The Sabotage: I don’t have enough time
Women are busy this day in age. Between family, work and personal duties, there is sometimes barely enough time to eat. There is not much more to say, we are busy and overwhelmed. Some women could not even contemplate exercise, because of all the duties they have.
1. Exercise. I get it, you don’t have time. But that’s not true. That’s the sabotage talking to you. If you prioritize, you will find time, I guarantee it. First and foremost, exercise gives you more energy, makes you more positive and helps you sleep better. All three of these things will free up time in your day. If you have more energy, you can get more done in less time. If you are more positive, you will stay away from toxic and negative people, freeing up more time in your day because you are staying away from drama. And, if you sleep better, your body tissues are more rejuvenated and ready to go the following day.
2. Also, when you give someone or something time, make it dedicated time. By avoiding distractions, you will get more done in less time. When working on a project, put the phone aside. This way you don’t spend a quarter of your time answering calls or checking emails. Just focus. When hanging out with the kids, sit on floor and play trains with them for 20 minutes without having the phone or computer open. They will think you have given them dedicated time and will be more accepting of the time you want to put into other things.
3. Last, don’t stress yourself out with an all or nothing concept. “It’s either a one hour workout or nothing.” NO! For the days you can’t do one hour, do 30 minutes. For the days you can’t find 30 minutes, download an APP on your phone, go in your kitchen or bathroom and do a ten minute workout. These work. They are 10 minutes of focused time and you feel great.